mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
