Got a toothbrush?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
