I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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