so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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