Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
