I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
