Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
