I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
