Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
