She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
