So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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