She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
