Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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