I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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