Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
