So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
