haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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