The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
