In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
