and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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