did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
