He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
