im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
