youre lurking in front of me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
