if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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