The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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