When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
