I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
