i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
