question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
