I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
