maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
