just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
