This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
