i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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