I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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