just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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