my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had sex on a roof
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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