i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
