3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
