A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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