Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
