Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
