just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
