It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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