If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
