The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at about main and main street
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
