my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
