Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
