yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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